Nazi Zombies: Equestria
by mrlaughing
Summary: When forced to use the teleporter before Richtofen had fully repaired it, the zombie slaying quartet find themselves somewhere... Strange...
1. Chapter 1

In an abandoned Soviet cosmodrome, four men are fighting for their lives against something that shouldn't exist. One of these men was working on a strange looking machine as the others fought off hordes of the undead, cursing occasionally in German when something went wrong.

"You almost finished, Doc?" One of the men, a Russian, shouted, stabbing a zombie in the face with a sickle.

"Ja, five more minutes" The man replied testily. "Nope, NOW!" Yelled an American as he ran into the machine and grabbed the doctor.

"Guys, come on!" He yelled as he desperately shot into the horde.

"Nein, Dempshey, Zhe machine is not ready yet!" The doctor shouted as he struggled against the larger man's grip. The two other men ran into the teleporter just as the button was pressed, engulfing them in lightning which killed all of the zombies around them as they disappeared.

* * *

In another dimension entirely, everything seemed perfect. But, as we all know, things aren't always what they seem.

"Princess Celestia!"

A light blue Unicorn with a black mane and a Cutie Mark of a spark burst into the throne room, clearly distressed about something.

"Princess Celestia!"

The aforementioned Princess of the Sun sighed as she dove into the depths of her memory, attempting the retrieve the pony's name.

"Yes, Brightspark, what is it?"

"There is a massive influx of unknown magic coming into Equestria from an unknown source!"

He babbled, close to histrionics.

"What does that mean, Brightspark? You have to focus." The princess was slightly worried, not that she let anypony see that, of course. She had to be seen as calm and collected.

"As far as I can tell, it means something is coming. Something from a different dimension."

said the now-calmed Brightspark.

"We should prepare ourselves."

Discord sighed. It was so very boring in Canterlot Castle. He briefly considered tricking some of the maids before sensing... _something._ Something evil. Curious, he took a closer look. Humans? Here? Interesting...

Well, that was chapter 1... yay? Tell me if you guys want anything added or whatnot, as I'm probably gonna run out of ideas after a while.


	2. Chapter 2

Again, I do not own MLP or Zombies. Hasbro and Treyarch do, respectively.

Also, a bit of a warning: This chapter will contain contain Nikolai and angry Dempsey. Expect swearing. Not too much, but some.

Chapter 2.

Nikolai groaned as he got to his feet. He'd still not gotten used to that infernal machine and the damn nausea that came with using it. He looked around and noted that they were in a forest. That's new. He'd never fought hellpigs in a forest before. A swamp, yes, but not a forest. He groaned, and decided he should probably wake his comrades up. However, when he looked around for said comrades, all he could see was Takeo. Great. Well, might as well wake him up.

"GET UP, LAZY CYKA"

These words accompanied by a few vicious kicks to the sleeping form of the Japanese warrior.

"AH! Nani ga okotte iru no?!"

The Imperial yelled as he sat up clutching his sides.

"Get up, we are in forest." Nikolai said simply.

"You broke my ribs, dishonourable beast!"

Nikolai looked confused.

"Didn't you buy Juggernog?"

Takeo looked exasperated. And in pain.

"No!"

"My bad."

After they had walked for a while, They encountered some less than friendly animals. Timberwolves, to be precise, but they didn't know that.

Nikolai looked at the wolves, then shot them in the face with his EPC WN (Which had thankfully travelled with him this time.) and said

"Play dead", before dissolving into drunken giggles.

Takeo shook his head in disgust before they both started walking again.

A few more miles of walking and a lot more near-death experiences later, they noticed the forest was thinning.

"Finally" Nikolai grumbled. He was really getting fed up with this deathtrap.

He perked up, however, when they heard voices ahead of them.

"I swear we'll get our Cutie marks in monster hunting!" One said.

"Ah guess we've tried everything else..." Another replied.

Nikolai made to run into the clearing, but Takeo stopped him.

"What is a Cutie Mark?" He whispered.

Nikolai looked at him like he was demented.

"I don't care!" he said, before running in the direction of the voices.

A couple of seconds later, Takeo heard him yell

"Bullshit! There's just very small horses here!"

Dempsey awoke in a hospital bed. That in itself wasn't too bad, although he couldn't shake the feeling that this had happened before, and that it hadn't ended well. He growled, and tried to sit up.

He suddenly felt pressure from some kind of purple aura forcing him back into a lying down position, before a voice called out: "No, no Mr. Dempsey, you need to rest."

Dempsey moved his head around in an attempt to find the source of the voice before his eyes settled on... A horse. With a horn.

Of course.

"What did you give me!?" He demanded, thinking the Unicorn to be a hallucination.

The Unicorn looked puzzled.

"We didn't give you anything, Mr. Dempsey. We don't know how any of our drugs would affect you."

"Your drugs? What is this, illegal drug testing?!"

The Unicorn was beginning to think this creature was insane.

"No, Mr. Dempsey, we weren't sure whether conventional pony drugs would work on... whatever you are. Or what any side effects would be."

Dempsey paused.

"Wait, _pony drugs?!_"

"Well, yes, Mr. Dempsey. Surely you must have seen that I am a Unicorn?"

The doctor explained patiently.

"I thought I was hallucinating..."

The Marine said, very confused by this point.

"I see. Well, how are you feeling today, Mr. Dempsey?"

"Wait, how do you know my name?"

"Simple. We had one of our Unicorns look through your mind."

At that point, Dempsey's mind went red.

As Celestia walked down the hall to the infirmary, intending to visit one of the two beings that had appeared in the throne room, she heard yelling and crashing.

Concerned, she quickened her pace until she was met with a shocking sight.

The being – Tank Dempsey, she recalled one of the Unicorns that scanned his mind telling her – was fighting against the magical grip of three different Unicorns, attempting to cause some serious damage to anything he could his hands on. As she got closer, she realised that he was yelling.

"I'll cut you maggot-sacks in two!"

He roared, slipping through one of the cracks in the magic binding him and landing a punch. The pony that he'd manage to hit flew into a wall. He didn't get back up.

Celestia attempted to intervene by saying "Mr. Dempsey! Please, what's the matter?"

He swivelled his head around and glared at her.

"Who are you?!" He demanded, fury in his eyes.

She brought herself up to her full height.

"I am Princess Celestia of the Sun, ruler of this land." Dempsey had calmed down a little by this point, so he merely demanded:

"Did you know they read my mind?!"

Celestia nodded. "Yes, but we only looked at your name. I swear it."

Dempsey, completely calmed by this point, asked "What about my friends?"

Celestia looked confused.

"Friends? Only one other appeared with you."

"Which one?"

"His name is Edward Richtofen."

So there we have it. Chapter two. Please, review. It's like goddamn crack to me.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, I don't own anything. Do I even still need to do these?

Oh, and once Richtofen leaves the hospital bed and stays somewhere else, he will get disturbing. Fair warning.

Chapter 3.

The doctor awoke to find himself in a hospital bed. Strange. He didn't feel ill, and nothing hurt, so why?.. Ah. They must have teleported somewhere with actual people, instead of his minions. He let out an involuntary moan as he thought of his minions. Gah, why did that little girl have to ruin everything? Couldn't she just have died when he sent her and her thrice-damned father away? Why did she have to- _Edward. _Richtofen inwardly rolled his eyes at the voices before replying.

"Ja, vhat do you vant?"

"Well, Doctor Richtofen, I wanted to see if you were okay. Glad to see you're awake, at least."

Richtofen mentally cursed himself for being caught before turning to the source of the voice. Er, the new voice.

"Very vell, Ja I am awake but you're a horse."

Richtofen cocked his head.

"Curious.."

Before him stood a white horse (No, pony. It was too short to be a horse.) with a black mane and some strange marking on it's flank that looked suspiciously like a stethoscope. It was also wearing clothes, which was weird and it was holding a clipboard in it's hooves, which shouldn't have been possible and...

"Doctor Richtofen? Are you okay?"

The voice snapped the Nazi from his rambling thoughts.

"You.. you can talk? Zhat's veird..."

The pony looked puzzled (How is that even possible?!)

"Of course I can talk, Doctor Richtofen. Most ponies can talk."

"Ooookay. Ve must have travelled through dimensions zhis time! How exciting! I vonder if zhey vould let me perform an autopsy... FROM A DISTANCE!"

Richtofen dissolved into manic laughter.

The earth pony shifted uncomfortably.

"Well, Since you're awake, I'll go get the Princess..."

The human gasped.

"Royalty?! I don't even have my good shoes!"

The earth pony bolted.

As Princess Celestia walked back from her visit to the remarkably unstable patient, she reflected on what she had seen in the other thing's mind. She'd taken over looking into his mind herself, as she had sensed something... _different _about this one. What she'd seen... She'd have nightmares for a while.

She was walking down the corridor, pondering what to do about this madman, when she almost walked into a pony that was trying to get her attention.

She blinked. "Oh, sorry Dr. Fixit. What is it that you wanted?"

"The patient is awake, Princess." The doctor said.

"Very well. Take me to him."

The earth pony shifted uncomfortably.

"What is it, doctor?"

He cleared his throat.

"Well, you see Princess, he's a bit strange."

"I am aware of that. I was the one to look into his mind, after all. Take me to him."

Edward shifted uncomfortably in his bed. It was obviously designed for ponies, and as such was uncomfortable to lie in after a while.

He desperately tried to ignore the voices in his head as they told him to kill everything.

He had resorted to muttering under his breath at them, trying to get them to shut up, that wasn't the plan, he'd kill again soon, he promised, when he heard footsteps.

He adjusted his hat and plastered what he thought was a charming smile on his face.

All that grin managed to do was make him look even more unstable; which the Princess noticed immediately.

"Are.. are you feeling well, Doctor Richtofen?"

He gave off a high pitched squeal which pierced the eardrums of anything in a five-mile radius.

"OOOOHHH, you must be zhe Princess!"

He jumped out of the bed and gave his lowest bow, before asking;

"How do you know mein name, fair pony princess?"

"Oh, it's quite simple; I scanned your mind when you were unconscious. Simply to find out your name, I swear it."

The Nazi's smile froze.

"You.. you looked into mein mind? Vhat did you see?!"

The princess stepped back. The ferocity in this... _thing's _eyes was more frightening than King Sombra and Nightmare Moon combined.

The fear slipped through to her face for a split second before she smoothed her expression out again.

"Just your name. Although, when I went into your mind, it was quite different to anything else I have ever experienced. I heard these... Voices. Just whispers, nothing concrete, but I was wondering if this is normal for.. Whatever you are?"

The human looked confused for a second.

"Vhat do you mean?"

Now it was Celestia's turn to look confused.

"There is nothing even remotely like you in all of Equestria."

"Interesting. You say zhis place is called Equestria?"

"Yes. That is the name of this country."

"Interesting... May I meet zhis student you mentioned?"

Celestia froze. Up until this point, she had planned on keeping this.. whatever... away from the Elements. But she also had no idea how this creature would react to being denied anything, or if this would provoke him at all, for that matter.

"I.. don't see why not. I'll arrange for you and your friend to stay with her in Ponyville."

Richtofen's eye twitched.

"P.. Ponyville?"

"Yes, it's a village not far from here. I must go now, as I have a country to run. I shall see you again shortly."

"P..P..Ponyville! AHAHAHAHAHA"

His manic laughter followed her out of the corridor.

So zhere ve have it. Chapter 3. Again, please review. Even if it's flames. I don't have any central heating right now, so flames would actually be quite useful :)


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Phew, this is a big one! Like, twice as big as the others. Wow. Anyway, I don't own anything. Enjoy!

Chapter 4.

Whilst all of this was happening with Dempsey and Richtofen, Nikolai and Takeo had come across some ponies of their own. These ones, however, were slightly smaller.

"Bullshit! There are only small horses here!"

Takeo hobbled over to the clearing which his companion had ran off to, using his Mnesia as a makeshift crutch.

What he saw when he got there made him drop the Calamity he was holding for self-defence in surprise.

Three small, multi-coloured ponies. One had a horn, identifying it as a Unicorn, one had wings, identifying it as a pegasus and the other was just plain. All three of them were coloured very strangely and looked to be very young.

"Where was voice coming from? Do you think they have wodka?"

Takeo sighed at the Russian's idiocy.

"What's wodka?" A small voice piped up.

Takeo stared in shock.

"Kami no haha" He murmured.

"Nikki!" He yelled, to get the drunk's attention.

"What?! I'm checking my wodka. Don't disturb."

"That voice came from the horse!"

He hissed, his eyes never leaving said equine.

"Hey! We're ponies!" The pegasus piped up.

"Of course, honourable pony. I meant no disrespect." Takeo responded automatically.

"You talk funny." The "normal" one noted.

The Unicorn looked at her – for all three were female – quizzically and said;

"You're one to talk, aren't you?"

The small yellow pony looked offended.

"Hey! Ah talk just fine!" At this, the pegasus snorted and said;

"Ya do talk kinda funny, Applebloom."

At this grammar, the Unicorn looked pained.

"Scootaloo! Do try and use proper grammar, you dodo!"

"Hey! Don't call me words I don't know the meaning of!"

The orange pegasus made a noise startlingly similar to that of a hellhound before pouncing on the other two, causing them all to roll around the floor, kicking up so much dust that the two zombie slayers could no longer see them.

After a few seconds of this, Nikolai blinked.

"Hold on, hold on, TIME OUT!" He yelled.

The three fillies stopped and looked at him expectantly.

"Horses talk now?"

The three fillies rolled their eyes as Takeo facepalmed.

Nikolai noticed this and hit him in the side with his EPC WN. Hard.

Takeo made a sound like a dying mouse and fell to his knees, coughing blood.

"Oh yeah, ribs are broken. Silly me."

Nikolai commented, before drinking more vodka.

The fillies exchanged glances before the Unicorn stepped up and asked;

"Uh, mister, are you okay?"

Takeo got to his feet unsteadily, leaning heavily on his Mnesia.

"I will be fine, little one. Is there someone here that could look at my ribs?"

The pegasus jumped up and down excitedly.

"Ooh! Ooh! We could take him to Fluttershy?"

The other two nodded just as excitedly.

"Good idea!"

In her cottage, Fluttershy was busy feeding her pets. Well, attempting to, in the case Angel Bunny.

"Come on, Angel, for momma?"

The small rabbit gave her a glare and was about to reply, possibly violently, when there was a knock at the door.

"Oh, I wonder who that could be?"

Fluttershy mused as she walked over to her front door.

Once opened, the door revealed a rather shocking sight. Two large beings, that looked like hairless apes with clothes on, were standing there, with one leaning heavily on a strange black metal stick with red engravings on and holding his side and the other leaning against her door frame, drinking from a bottle which he stowed away somewhere about his person once he realised the door had opened.

Before either could say anything, though, Fluttershy let out a rather loud "EEP!" and slammed the door in their faces.

"No, wait, Fluttershy! They're friendly!"

The door opened a crack.

"Applebloom? Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo? What's going on?"

Fluttershy whispered.

"This.. creature is hurt and it needs your help!" Sweetie Belle said, urgency tinted her voice.

The door opened fully.

"Oh, if some poor soul is injured, I must help! Please, come in!"

Nikolai raised an eyebrow at "Poor soul", but decided to keep quiet as he followed Takeo and the three small ponies inside.

Fluttershy motioned toward a sofa and said;

"Please, sit down. What happened?"

The two zombie slayers shared an uncertain look, before Nikolai raised his hand.

"Um, he was asleep, so I kick him in side to wake him up."

As he was saying this, Fluttershy was looking over Takeo. Once he'd finished, she looked up sharply.

"Why would you do something like that?"

The Russian winced at her tone.

"To wake him up!"

"This looks fairly serious, Mr... What was your name again?"

Again, the Russian was getting confused. This was simply too much for his alcohol-addled brain to keep up with.

"Um, Nikolai?"

"Mr. Nikolai, it looks like his ribs are broken."

Nikolai tried to save some face at this.

"Good!"

The yellow pegasus was taken aback by this.

"Good? How could that be good?!"

Nikolai was getting very flustered by this point.

"Because, er, I don't know! I'm too drunk for this..."

A look of realization dawned on Fluttershy's face.

"You're drunk?"

Nikolai nodded, as Takeo snorted.

"He's breathing, isn't he?"

Fluttershy looked confused again.

"Y-yes?"

"Then he's drunk."

Takeo replied, completely deadpan.

"O-okay, I should probably go and get some of my friends, if you don't move too much you should be okay, Mr...?"

"Takeo."

The Japanese warrior replied with a gentle smile.

"O-okay. I'll be back soon."

She stuttered as she walked towards the door.

Just before she reached said door, however, she turned back to look at Nikolai with a fearsome expression on her face.

"Don't. Break. Anything."

As Nikolai sat down in shock, she walked out of the door.

As Fluttershy walked towards Ponyville's library, she realised what just happened.

"Oh my.."

She murmured as she attempted to make herself shrink.

Before long, she found herself outside Twilight's treehouse. Hmm. She'd never thought of it like that, but it makes sense once you think about it...

She shook herself out of her rapidly derailing train of thought and knocked on the door.

After a few seconds, Spike opened the door and beamed when he saw her.

"Hey there, Fluttershy! You here to see Twilight?"

"Oh, yes, I mean, if that's too much trouble I can come back later..."

As she was stammering, Twilight herself had walked down the stairs.

"Hey Fluttershy! Come on in!"

"O-okay.."

As she followed Twilight inside, she cleared her throat.

"Actually, Twilight, I need your help with something. I mean, if it's not too much trouble..."

Twilight looked concerned.

"What's wrong, Fluttershy?"

"Oh, it's nothing really, it's just there are some strange creatures in my house and I was wondering if you and the rest of the girls would come and help me. Just in case they're dangerous."

Twilight's mouth fell open.

"Wait, hang on, do these creatures look like hairless apes that wear clothes? They would have had some strange devices with them as well."

Fluttershy nodded.

"Yes, I'm treating one of them for broken ribs."

"Did they give you a name?"

"Yes. Takeo and Nikolai."

Twilight nodded.

"I see. Princess Celestia sent me a letter about these creatures. Humans, she called them. They shouldn't be dangerous, but they can be quite scary when provoked."

Fluttershy paled. Twilight noticed.

"What?"

Fluttershy gulped.

"I.. May have yelled at one of them and told him not to break anything."

Twilight facepalmed. (Facehoofed? I don't know...)

"Okay. I'll see if any of the girls are free to come and help you. I'll also write to the Princess to see what we should do. In the meantime, you go back to your cottage and make sure the... Humans... haven't broken anything."

"O-okay."

As soon as Fluttershy got back to her cottage, she was greeted to the sight of Nikolai holding a broken glass and looking sheepish.

"It was not me! Evil rabbit kicked it off side!"

The yellow pegasus sighed.

"Angel Bunny, what have I said about framing my guests?"

The aforementioned rabbit looked defiant and unapologetic.

"Say sorry, Angel."

He shook his head over-dramatically.

"Angel."

He spread his arms in the universal "What?" action.

"Don't make me use the stare."

Angel paled slightly, but remained defiant.

Fluttershy sighed.

"Alright, you made me."

She looked down, and when she looked back up, her expression was _terrifying._ It reminded Takeo of the feeling he got when he'd gotten surrounded just as that girl yelled out "No treats for you!" back at the weapons factory. He had to avert his gaze, it was so ferocious. He felt truly sorry for the small rabbit that the full force of the stare was trained on.

Nikolai didn't understand what the big deal was.

The horse was just looking at a rabbit. He'd seen Tak look away, and he had no clue why.

He ever so carefully sidled up to to the other man and nudged him on the arm.

"What is big deal, Tak? She's only looking at him..."

Takeo looked at the Russian as if he was insane.

"Don't you see it?"

Nikolai slowly shook his head.

"Kasai..."

The Russian slowly nodded his head.

"Riiiight. I still don't get it."

Takeo shook his head.

The stare went on for about another thirty seconds before something crashed through the window.

Fluttershy EEPed, Nikolai yelped and reached for his EPC WN, and Takeo just sat there.

The something groaned and untangled itself from the dresser it's crashed into.

"Ugh, sorry Fluttershy. I'll pay for that."

Fluttershy peeked out from behind the sofa Takeo was on and sighed in relief.

"Oh, Rainbow, it's only you."

The thing, or Rainbow Dash if you prefer, jumped up and struck an arrogant pose.

"Yep, just me, Rainbow Dash, the fastest flier in all of Equestria!"

Fluttershy giggled as Nikolai snorted.

It seems that Rainbow Dash has some sort of built-in radar to detect people who doubt her skills as she rounded on Nikolai not a second after he snorted and said;

"Don't believe me?"

Nikolai blinked.

"Yes, I just don't care."

Rainbow deflated.

"Oh. Okay. You must be one of those creatures twilight was waffling on about. Humans, right?"

"...Yes? You don't know what human is?"

Rainbow shook her head.

"There isn't anything like you guys here."

Nikolai shrugged before going to take some vodka.

Then he froze.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash looked worried whilst Takeo rolled his eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY WODKA IS GONE!"

In the kitchen, Angel Bunny snickered silently as he hid the hip flask under the sink.

* * *

A/N: I think I'm gonna leave it there for chapter 4. Please, please review. I love reviews. They make me feel fuzzy inside. You always hear those horror stories of people who overdose on that wonderful drug that is reviews, but seriously. Those are very rare cases, people! I can handle it.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in ages, but I had the flu. I haven't forgotten about you guys, I swear! Also, I GOT A REVIEW! :D :D :D :D! Thank you, Guest Reviewer. To answer your questions, kinda, He says "Wodka", because part of the Russian accent when speaking in English is that most "V" sounds come out like "W" sounds. Also, I have no clue if I'm gonna put zombies in this story. I am completely winging this.

Also, fair warning, there is going to be a massive innuendo in this chapter. Just saying.

Anyway, on with the story!

Celestia was so deep in thought as she walked down the hall to Dempsey's room that she didn't notice when she walked horn-first into somepony.

"Oh my! Are you alri-"

This was as far as she got before she realised she'd walked into Discord.

"Oh. It's you. You'll be fine."

Discord snorted as he massaged the wound on his arm.

"No thanks to you."

He retorted before lounging back in the air.

"So, do I take it the Humans have arrived?"

Celestia wondered briefly how he knew about the Humans, but then mentally shrugged as she realised that Discord probably knew more than her about them.

"Yes. Do you know anything about these Humans?"

Discord grinned.

"Yes, indeed I do, Celestia. I suppose you want me to tell you about them?"

The Sun Princess was momentarily surprised that Discord would offer up his help so easily before replying;

"Yes, if you would."

The God of Chaos snickered.

"Oh, I won't. I'm just nosy."

Celestia rolled her eyes.

"Fine. I'm on my way to see one now. Do you want to come?"

Discord shrugged.

"I have nothing better to do. It's _so_ boring here."

Celestia snorted as she set off down the corridor.

Discord grinned before following her.

Dempsey was getting bored. The doctors had long since ascertained he was completely healthy, but they'd told him that this was the only room in the palace that was suitable for him.

They'd also told him that they didn't want him wandering around in case any of the palace staff freaked.

So he'd resorted to cleaning his Skullcrusher over and over and over again. Not for the first time, he wondered what had become of his comrades.

He knew that Richtofen had made it here, and was being kept in another room because- well, they hadn't told him, but he'd figured that he was being kept in another room because he's crazy.

But, he had no idea what had happened to Tak or Nikolai.

Had they made it here? Or were they shooting more freakbags without him somewhere completely different and not populated by horses.

Ponies.

Whatever.

He'd asked the Princess that he be informed if she found out anything about them, and she'd agreed immediately.

He hadn't bothered to correct her when she'd assumed he was "Worried about his friends."

Dempsey was shook from his thoughts when the door opened and in walked the Princess and some weird amalgamation of loads of different animals.

He pulled up his Skullcrusher and aimed it at the creature's head before growling three words.

"What. The. Fuck."

Discord couldn't contain his glee as he walked down the hall with Celestia.

Humans! Here!

He could practically _taste_ the chaos brewing.

As he bounced his way into the room the Human was staying in, he saw that the Human was pointing a gun at him.

How quaint.

Just in case, he loaded his magic into fifteen different movie quotes from the Human's world and waited.

"What. The. Fuck"

Discord paused.

"Such language, Dempsey."

Celestia stared. How in Tartarus did he know Dempsey's name?!

"How do you know my name?!"

The aforementioned Marine demanded.

Discord giggled.

"I know a lot of things. Although, I will confess I cheated this time. I scanned your mind."

Dempsey rolled his eyes. Is that the immediate reaction of everything in this world? He still didn't lower his gun, though.

"You still didn't answer my question. What are you?"

Discord grinned.

"I'm a Draconequus, my dear boy! The most dashing of all species, don't you agree?"

Dempsey considered his answer for a second.

"Hell no."

Discord pouted.

"Princess, the human is being mean to me. Make him stop."

Celestia was seriously beginning to regret inviting Discord along. In fact, she seriously beginning to regret releasing Discord from stone in the first place. If only she had the elements with her...

"Mr. Dempsey, I have received some news regarding your friends."

Dempsey perked up.

"What news?"

"It appears that your friends arrived in the Everfree Forest, and one was wounded."

"Which one?!"

"I am afraid my student didn't say. In any case, both are relatively unharmed, and are staying with a friend. Your other friend, Edward, is going to stay with my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. I could arrange for you to go too, if you like?"

Of course, Dempsey jumped on any chance to get out of this damn castle, so he agreed.

"Yes, please."

Celestia smiled.

"Very well. I shall go and send a letter immediately."

As she turned to leave, she noticed that Discord was still looking at Dempsey.

"Discord?"

Suddenly, Discord burst out laughing.

"What?"

The God of Chaos wiped a tear from his eye.

"You've found the only humans in existence that won't question the singing magic."

Was all he said before snapping his fingers and disappearing.

Dempsey stared.

"W-where?"

Celestia shook her head.

"Don't try and understand him. Many have gone insane trying."

With that, she left.

Twilight was panicking.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!"

Spike watched her rush around with a long-suffering look on his face.

"What is it, Twilight?"

He asked, not fully expecting an answer.

"The Princess is sending the other humans to stay here! With me!"

Twilight babbled, a full-on crazy look in her eyes.

Spike stepped back.

"O-okay. So?"

The lavender Unicorn looked exasperated.

"So, Spike, we need to make sure there's enough space."

Spike chuckled.

"That's easy."

Twilight relaxed.

"There's not. Not if these things are anywhere near the size of ponies, anyway."

Twilight tensed up again.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NOT ENOUGH ROOM?!"

Richtofen was enjoying the chariot ride to Ponyville. Note to self, make these things part of my new world order...

He was shook from his pleasant thoughts of world domination by a loud snore.

Edward took time to glare at his travelling companion hatefully.

"I hate you, Dempshey. I even hate your _eyes..._"

He murmured.

After half an hour of incessant snoring, the two zombie slayers finally arrived at Ponyville.

"Finally! I vas beginning to get bored..."

Richtofen yelled, shaking Dempsey awake.

"Huh-what? Are we there?"

He slurred.

Richtofen shook his head in disgust.

"Ja, ve are here. Shtupid American.."

Dempsey was about to retort when they were approached by a lavender Unicorn that Dempsey didn't know. Richtofen, on the other hand, did.

"AH! You must be Twilight Sparkle, Ja?"

The Unicorn nodded.

"Yes, and I'm afraid I have some bad news..."

Dempsey rolled his eyes.

"Of course..."

Twilight Sparkle looked slightly offended at that, but kept going nonetheless.

"It seems I don't have enough room for you both. I can fit one of you in my house, but not both. I have, however, come up with a solution."

"Please, ve are on zhe edge of our seats. You _must _tell us."

Richtofen drawled, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Twilight seemed oblivious to the doctor's sarcasm, and kept going.

"You see, my friends have offered to take one of you. Your friends are staying with my friend Fluttershy, and she says that she will let them keep staying there. Doctor Richtofen, you are staying with me. Mr. Dempsey, you can stay with either my friend Rarity or my friend Applejack. Your choice."

The Marine shrugged.

"I'd hafta meet them both before making a decision."

Twilight nodded.

"That's fair. They're all waiting back at the library, including your friends."

They both grinned, Richtofen saying "Nikki!" just as Dempsey said "Tak!"

Twilight grinned.

"Well, if you'll follow me, we can get going."

Once they got to the library, they were greeted by a very loud "SURPRISE!", which seemed to originate from only one pony.

The overriding aspect of this pony's appearance was _pink_. Everything about it just screamed it. It even appeared to have some sort of pink afro. Very interesting to Richtofen, and very annoying to Dempsey.

As soon as they they heard this, they both brought their guns up and pointed them at the pink pony, who in turn grinned and sneezed confetti. (What?)

"HI! My names Pinkie Pie!"

It screeched.

Dempsey winced and covered his ears, while Richtofen bounced up to Pinkie and shook her hoof energetically.

"Hallo! I am Doctor Richtofen, and zhis is Dempshey. Don't pay much attention to him. He's not vorth it."

Pinkie frowned.

"That's not very nice, Eddie! I'm sure Tank is very nice!"

Richtofen blinked.

"I didn't tell you mein-"

Twilight put her hoof on his arm.

"Don't. Just don't. Trust me."

She said, very seriously.

Just as Pinkie was taking a breath to say more, she was pushed away by a white Unicorn with a purple mane.

"Hello, my dear. My name is Rarity, and I must say it is a pleasure to meet you at last. I've heard so much."

the Unicorn had a very posh accent, very upper class. It reminded Dempsey of one of his superiors during the war. He hadn't liked him very much.

"Uh, hi?"

He said, not quite sure how to respond.

He was saved from having to try, however, by Nikolai.

"TANK!"

He yelled, grabbing hold of Dempsey's shirt.

"What the hell, man?! Get off me!"

He yelled back, knocking Nikolai's hands off him before he noticed something. The Russian man's eyes were... _focused_.

"Holy shit, Nikolai, are you sober?!"

Nikolai nodded miserably.

"Da, stupid devil rabbit stole my wodka!"

Dempsey grinned.

"Devil rabbit?"

He asked, trying not to laugh, which Nikolai noticed immediately.

"Da! Just wait until you go to visit Tak. He's staying with devil rabbit and it's mistress."

Dempsey looked confused for a second.

"Wait, why do I have to go and visit Tak? How come he's not here?"

Nikolai looked sheepish for a second before replying.

"I.. may have broken his ribs waking him up."

"He didn't have Juggernog?"

"No."

"Okay."

Twilight was watching this exchange with an open mouth.

"You don't mind that he broke your friend's ribs?!"

She asked, incredulous.

Dempsey shrugged.

"Tak didn't buy Jug. That would have saved his ribs."

Twilight looked confused.

"What do you mean, didn't buy a jug?"

Dempsey snorted, then hesitated. How much should he tell her? He'd been visited by the Princess and asked that he not tell anyone of their previous occupation. But could he tell her about the stuff he encountered whilst killing zombies? He mentally shrugged. Screw it.

"Not a jug, a drink called Juggernog. It makes you stronger."

"How can a drink make you stronger?"

Twilight asked, curiosity shining from everywhere it possibly could.

Dempsey shrugged, which caused Twilight to deflate somewhat.

"No clue. Just knew it worked, not how."

He sighed.

"I'm gonna miss that drink, actually. Didn't taste half bad, unlike some of the others..."

Twilight was about to ask even more questions when Applejack showed up.

"Well, howdy there! You must be Mr. Dempsey, right?"

She asked, grinning.

Dempsey mentally sighed for the second time that evening. Really? These were his choices? The upper-class lady or the farmer? Oh well. Either would be better than that bamboo cage, remember that.

"That's right. You gotta be Applejack, right?"

She nodded.

"Eeyup. Twi musta told ya that you can stay at the apple farm, if ya wanted?"

Dempsey grimaced at her voice. He'd thought the pink one was annoying. At least she was only chipper, and not incessantly annoying...

"Yep, she did. But I think I'm gonna stay with Rarity over there, if you don't mind."

Dempsey replied, trying his damnedest to be polite and mentally congratulating himself for remembering the other pony's name.

The orange pony grinned.

"That's fine, Rarity'd probably be a better host than me anyway."

Twilight, who until this point was deep in thought, perked up.

"Ooh! The Princess sent your things down before you!"

Both Dempsey and Applejack looked confused.

"So, sugarcube?"

Applejack prompted.

"So, there was a drink called Juggernog there!"

Dempsey grinned.

"My perks made the trip? Oorah!"

He crowed, eliciting a confused glance from both ponies.

"Anyway... Since I have one, I can duplicate it. Ooh, this is going to be a very interesting piece of magic to perform..."

She walked off, muttering to herself.

Dempsey watched her go, hoping that she was telling the truth about duplicating his perks. They would be very handy if he ever had to fight anything. Anyway, he better go find Rarity and tell her he's staying with her.

He found her having a conversation with a blue pony that had rainbow hair.

Well, that's new.

"Hey, Rarity!"

He yelled.

The Unicorn turned around, startled.

"Oh, Mr. Dempsey, it's good to see you again. Have you decided where you're going to stay?"

She inquired politely.

"Yep. I'm stayin' with you, sweetcheeks. Oorah."

He replied, as he swung an arm around her shoulders. Are they shoulders on a pony? Ah, who cares.

"That's- that's lovely, Mr. Dempsey-"

"Hey, call me Tank."

"Yes, okay, Tank. As I was saying, I'm sure Sweetie Belle will be thrilled. She's the one who found your friends, you know."

The rainbow pony started bouncing up and down at this.

"Oh, I met them!"

Dempsey looked at her.

"And you are?"

The pony stopped bouncing and struck a supposedly impressive pose.

"I'm Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in all of Equestria!"

Dempsey grinned.

"Yeah? Well I'm Tank Dempsey, American Hero! Oorah, bitches!"

He said this last bit with an over-exaggerated salute.

Rainbow Dash looked a bit taken aback.

"Yeah, but you aren't faster than me!"

"Wanna bet, sweetheart?"

"You better believe I do!"

"Bring it on! Oorah!"

By the end of this exchange, their heads were almost touching and every pony present had stopped what they were doing to watch.

Rainbow Dash pulled herself up to her full height, which was still considerably shorter than Dempsey.

"I challenge you to a race!"

Dempsey sneered.

"I accept! Bring it on."

Before this could escalate again, however, a flock of birds flew in and attacked Nikolai, much to his surprise.

"What the fuck?! Get off!"

One of the birds paused for a second, and tweeted rapidly at Nikolai.

"Eh? I don't speak bird! Go away! I'm not drunk enough for this..."

The bird sighed before going outside and dragging in three pink butterflies in and having them hover in front of the Russian.

"Eh? Oh, you want me to go back to Fluttershy. I get it."

The bird face-winged, causing it to fall for a second before it righted itself.

"Come, Tank! It is time to go and see stupid Takeo and devil rabbit."

he called over, gesturing towards the door for good measure.

"Alright, lemme go get Richtofen."

Tank called back before going and dragging the aforementioned Nazi away from an extremely uncomfortable-looking Big Macintosh.

"Vhat is it, Dempshey, I vas just talking to zhis vunderbar Shtallion..."

He slurred as he was dragged along.

Dempsey paused.

"Are you drunk?!"

Richtofen giggled.

"Ja, I got some cider from zhat lovely Shtallion. Ah, let me go back to him..."

Dempsey shuddered.

"I don't even wanna think about what you planning on doing with that guy."

Richtofen cackled manically before passing out.

Dempsey dropped him.

"Great. Now he's unconscious. Where's he staying again?"

Twilight eyed the unconscious man warily.

"Here, apparently."

"Well, then. He's your problem. I'm out."

Dempsey declared before turning and leaving.

As Nikolai reached Fluttershy's cottage with Dempsey in tow, he froze and glared at the rabbit that was sitting on the welcome mat with it's arms crossed.

"You."

He whispered with as much venom as he could muster in his voice.

The rabbit gave him a smug grin before hopping back inside.

Nikolai turned to Dempsey and said;

"That was him, Tank! He stole my wodka. Do something. Please."

The American sighed.

"Alright, Nikolai. Once again, I'll clear up your mess."

He replied as he walked into the house.

He was greeted to the sight of Takeo with his shirt off, with his back to the door, and a pony that appeared to have it's head below Takeo's waist.

"Aw, nice one Tak!"

The American cackled.

The pony looked up to see an astonished looking Nikolai accompanied by a figure laughing hysterically.

She looked up at Takeo.

"W-why is he laughing?"

Takeo sighed and whispered something in her ear, which caused her to go bright red and EEP herself behind the sofa.

Dempsey staggered up to Takeo and slapped him on the back, still laughing uncontrollably.

"G-good one Tak. Way to warm up to the locals."

He then dissolved into even more giggles that caused him to fall over.

Nikolai sidled up to Takeo.

"Was she?"

"NO."

"Okay."

From the direction of the floor, a faint "Ah, shit, I can't breathe." could be heard before Fluttershy got the courage up to stand up and greet her guests.

"H-hello?"

No-one responded.

She cleared her throat and tried again, slightly louder.

"Hello?"

Takeo turned around and smiled.

"Ah, Tank, I would like to introduce you to Miss Fluttershy. She is the one that has been taking care of me since we got here."

Tank giggled again as he got to his feet.

"I'll say."

Takeo glared at him.

"Not like that! That dishonourable Russian broke my ribs. She was merely fixing my bandages."

Dempsey was beginning to go purple from the effort of not laughing.

Takeo sighed.

"It's not like that and you know it."

Tank finally managed to calm himself down.

"I know, but I haven't had that much fun since before the freaksacks."

He said in a somewhat shaky voice, before turning to Fluttershy and grinning.

"Hi, I'm Dempsey. You're Fluttershy?"

She nodded.

"Thanks for taking care of Tak. Do you have a rabbit?"

She nodded again, albeit slower this time.

"Y-yes, Angel Bunny. He's over there."

She said, pointing toward the stairs with her hoof.

Dempsey grinned again.

"Alright, Angel Bunny. Let's have a talk."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand there's chapter 5. Awesome. I got another review whilst I was writing this, from another guest. Thanks dude! I love reviews. Zhey taste like SHPLEENS.

Anyway, this chapter is longer than the previous one. I wonder if they'll ever balance out? No clue. Thanks for reading, and please leave a review. Also, if you want an OC in this story, PM me. I'll do the best I can to integrate him/her/it. No pairings. Mrlaughing out.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

A/N: Another review, from another guest! Ooh, it's so exciting. To answer your question, kinda, you'll have to wait and see, my friend.

Richtofen groaned as he opened his eyes. What had happened last night? He looked around and felt a sense of rising panic when he realised he had no idea where he was. He appeared to be in a library. In a bed. Curious.

He got out of the bed and was immensely pleased with the fact that he was still wearing clothes. His hand went to his waist, and found that his Cobra was still holstered there. Before the Doctor could make any other discoveries, however, a small purple dragon walked into the room.

Richtofen looked at it for a second before releasing a small giggle.

"You're a big lizard."

He told it, looking around for Twilight.

"Hey! I'm a dragon!"

The creature looked indignant.

Richtofen blinked.

"Drachen?"

He whispered.

"Uh, close. Dragon."

The creature said, drawing out the last word so Richtofen could pronounce it. It then proffered up the tray it was holding.

"Here, I brought you breakfast."

Richtofen took the tray carefully, not taking his eyes off the small dragon all the while.

"Do you have a name, Drachen?"

"Uh, yeah. My names Spike."

Richtofen raised an eyebrow.

"Shpike. Okay. Danke, Drachen Shpike."

Spike gave him a weird look.

"Okay. I'm gonna go tell Twilight you're awake."

As the small dragon walked off, Richtofen focused his attention on trying to remember what happened.

He remembered the chariot ride, and hating Dempsey, but beyond that everything was a blank.

He groaned as he massaged his temples.

A painful blank. At least the voices weren't screaming at him yet.

"Oh, good. You're awake. What the hay was that last night?"

He winced at the shrill tone of Twilight's words. At least the dragon had been quiet.

"Aah, no so loud, please. Mein head hurts. Und I don't remember anything."

Twilight looked astonished.

"You don't remember last night?"

Richtofen shrugged.

"Nein. I remember arriving. Zhat's it."

Twilight put her hoof to her face.

"Why did I agree to this?"

She muttered before turning her attention to Richtofen.

"You arrived here, made friends with Pinkie Pie and drank some of Big Macintosh's cider."

She listed, whilst shuddering at the memory of a drunken Richtofen's failed attempts at flirting with Big Mac.

Richtofen noticed this shudder and asked her about it.

"Vhy are you shaking? Vhat happened last night?"

He asked, growing more and more agitated.

"Nothing really, you just made Big Mac a little... uncomfortable when you were drunk."

Richtofen relaxed. He could deal with people being uncomfortable around him. Hell, he'd been doing that since he was six.

"Oh. Okay. Vhere did Nikolai go?"

"I believe he's staying with Fluttershy for now. Would you like to go and see him now?"

Richtofen nodded before clutching at his head in agony.

"Ooh, do you zhink you could something about mein head?"

He asked.

Twilight looked puzzled.

"What do you mean, something about your head?"

"Can Einhorns do healing shpells?"

Twilight nodded.

"If by Einhorn you mean Unicorn, then yes."

"Zhen could you cast one on mein head?"

Twilight nodded again, slightly slower.

"Okay, but why?"

"I have a hangover."

"What's a hangover?"

Richtofen looked at her like she was crazy.

"It's vhat happens vhen you drink too much."

"Oh. Ponies don't get that."

Richtofen gave her a black stare.

"You're lucky."

He growled before falling back on the bed clutching his head. (Heh, poetry.)

"Alright, hang on. This is fairly complicated..."

Twilight said before concentrating on the spell.

After a few seconds Richtofen sat back up with a massive grin on his face.

"Much better! Now zhen, to go see mein useless comrades..."

He said, before walking out.

Twilight sighed.

"I suppose I better go follow him."

She muttered to herself before leaving the room as well.

Meanwhile, at Carousel Boutique...

Dempsey yawned as he woke up to the sound of voices in his room.

"He's staying with you?"

"Yes. He was given the choice of Rarity or Applejack, and he chose Rarity."

"So he's not really staying with you, then. He's staying with Rarity."

"...Shut up, Scootaloo."

"Whatever, just saying."

Dempsey grinned as he sat up. Looking towards the source of the conversation, his grin only widened. He recognized these three small ponies from Nikolai's admittedly vague drunken description.

These must be the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"Morning girls, here to see the pure badassery that is Tank Dempsey?"

He boasted.

The three fillies looked confused.

"Uh, what's badassery?"

The small white one asked.

Tank smirked.

"Why, it's the only word that can be used to accurately describe my awesomeness."

He replied, completely deadpan.

The orange one looked thoughtful for a second.

"I bet Rainbow Dash has more badassery than you."

She said.

Dempsey's smirk deepened.

"You'll find out soon. I'm racing her."

The orange pegasus scoffed.

"Rainbow Dash will beat you. She's the fastest pony in all of Equestria!"

She proclaimed proudly.

"But he's not a pony."

The yellow one pointed out.

The orange one deflated.

"Oh."

Dempsey decided to step in.

"Uh, what are your names? I keep calling you by whatever colour you are in my head." (Shut up, I'm English. That's how we spell colour.)

The white one stepped forward.

"I'm Sweetie Belle. I'm Rarity's sister."

Then the orange one stepped up.

"I'm Scootaloo. I'm Rainbow Dash's biggest fan!"

Finally, it was the yellow one's turn.

"Ah'm Applebloom. I'm Applejack's sister."

They all stepped closer together.

"And together, we are the Cutie Mark Crusaders!"

They said at the same time, holding one hoof up in the air for emphasis.

Dempsey blinked.

"Right. Is breakfast ready yet? I'm starving."

They all nodded.

"Yep! Rarity sent us up to see if you wanted any. It's pancakes."

Sweetie Belle said.

"Hmm. I could go for some pancakes right now. Lead the way, Sweetie!"

He cheered.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders shrugged before walking downstairs.

As Dempsey walked down the stairs, he became more aware of two things.

For one, there was an exceedingly strong smell of pancakes in the air, and there was also a voice that was was having a heated discussion with what appeared to be a cooker.

"Oh, work you confounded machine!"

This was followed by a hollow "Thunk."

"Oh fine. Be that way. I'll just use magic to fix you."

This was followed by a faint humming sound, then an explosion.

Dempsey ran the rest of the way downstairs to be greeted to the sight of a soot-blackened and coughing Rarity.

He rushed over to her.

"You okay, Sweetcheeks?"

He asked.

"O-oh, yes. I'm fine, Mr. Dempsey."

Dempsey nodded and went over to see the damage in the kitchen.

It was a mess. The cooker was completely destroyed, and everything else was covered in a thick layer of soot. Quite frankly, Dempsey was surprised Rarity, or in fact any of them, had been that close and not gotten hurt.

"Holy..."

He whispered, looking at the damage around him.

"Yes, that's the last time I try to fix something with magic. Also, I'm afraid all of the pancakes were destroyed. Who wants to go to Sugarcube Corner?"

The three small fillies cheered as Dempsey raised an eyebrow.

"And what are you gonna do about this?"

He asked, genuinely curious.

Rarity waved a hoof.

"Oh, I'm certain I could get Big Mac to fix it, if I bat my eyelashes."

Dempsey sniggered.

"Alrighty then. Where're we goin' again?"

"Sugarcube Corner, dear. I'm sure you'll like it. Pinkie Pie works there."

Dempsey groaned. He'd found Pinkie Pie annoying last night at the party, but he was hungry, dammit, so he'd suck it up. He put on a fake grin.

"Lovely. Shall we?"

He offered Rarity his arm, and they walked toward Sugarcube Corner together, with the CMC in tow.

A/N: Don't worry, story's not over yet. But, I've just realised I've started writing Dempsey/Rarity pairing. That wasn't intended, and if you guys want, I won't do anything about it and just continue as normal. Let me know if you do want them to end up together, though.

A few minutes after running out of the library, Richtofen realised he had no idea where he was going. Reluctantly, he walked back to Twilight Sparkle, who had been struggling to keep up.

"Sorry, I forgot I bought Shtammin-up. Vhich vay to Fluttershy's house?"

Twilight panted for a few seconds before replying.

"I- I could teleport us there, if you'd give me a minute. I need to practice anyway."

Richtofen smiled.

"Very gut. How long vill you need?"

Twilight took in a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay. I'm ready. I feel I should warn you, though, that teleportation can be a little rough if you're not used to it."

Richtofen blinked and cackled manically.

"I don't think zhat vill be a problem, mein pretty. Let's go."

Twilight flinched a little when Richtofen ran his gloved finger down her cheek as he talked.

"O-okay, just stand still."

Richtofen did as he was asked, and within a few seconds, they were gone.

As Fluttershy tended to her animals, which took up about 85% of her time, a bright flash appeared in her living room.

"EEP!"

As she dove behind her sofa, she heard voices.

"That went wrong..."

"Really? I vouldn't have noticed..."

Fluttershy recognized these voices as those of her friends, so she got up and said hello.

"H-hello."

Richtofen bounced up to her.

"Hello! Vhere is Nikolai? Und Takeo, I suppose..."

"Um, They're in the other room, getting ready to leave. We were just about to go to Sugarcube Corner. I mean, we could stay, since you came all the way out here..."

Twilight shook her head.

"No, we'll go with you. I'm feeling a bit peckish, and I'm sure Edward could go for some food."

Richtofen started nodding before looking at Twilight.

"Vait, how did you know mein name?"

Twilight shrugged.

"The Princess told me."

"Oh. Okay."

They were saved from making more awkward small talk, however, by the appearance of Nikolai and Takeo.

Richtofen looked puzzled for a second.

"Hang on, your uniforms are clean. No zombie blood. Oh, zhe blood..."

Nikolai, seeing that the good (hah) doctor was about to go completely crazy for a second, quickly replied.

"Da, Fluttershy cleaned them for us while we were sleeping. I was thinking of having posh pony make more for me. What do you think?"

Richtofen snapped back into focus.

"Good idea, Nikolai! Ve shall have to talk to her today."

Fluttershy and Twilight, now suitably disturbed, shook themselves back into reality.

"Right, well, I suppose we should get going, right Fluttershy?"

Twilight asked.

"O-oh, yes. Let's go."

She replied, still dwelling on the Nazi's words. What's a zombie? Why were they killing them?

As the five of them walked to Sugarcube Corner, they bumped into Rarity, who was accompanied by Dempsey and the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"Hello there, Fluttershy, Twilight. Oh, and Takeo, Richtofen and Nikolai too. How lovely to see you all."

Twilight was the first to respond.

"Hello, Rarity. Are you going to Sugarcube Corner too?"

Rarity nodded.

"Yes, I had a slight mishap with the oven at my house, so I'm treating the girls and Tank to breakfast out."

The three young fillies and one American gave her a strange look.

"Slight mishap?" Sweetie Belle asked. "You blew it up!"

Rarity shot her a glare.

"Yes, alright. A big mishap."

Fluttershy looked concerned.

"Oh, I hope nopony was hurt. And Opalescence too..."

Rarity gave her a reassuring look.

"Don't worry, my dear. Dear Opal fled the house as soon as she saw that Sweetie had brought her friends around."

Fluttershy giggled at that.

"You're sure you're alright?"

She asked, concern still etched on her features.

Rarity waved a hoof.

"Yes, yes. I was lucky enough not to be harmed when it went up, and Tank was upstairs with the girls when it happened. We're all _fine, _Fluttershy."

The yellow pegasus nodded happily at these words.

"O-okay, Rarity. As long as you're all okay."

As soon as these words had left Fluttershy's mouth, they had reached Sugarcube Corner, where they were greeted by an overenthusiastic Pinkie Pie.

"Oh my gosh! Come in, it's so lovely to see you! So how come you're all here? Not that it's not good to see you, I just said it was lovely to see you, but I was curious so I asked how come you're all here and-"

Twilight put a hoof over Pinkie's mouth quickly.

"Pinkie! I'm here because Edward wanted to see his friends, who were staying at Fluttershy's. Fluttershy is here because she thought it would be nice, and Rarity is here because she blew up her oven."

Pinkie, who until this point had still been chatting merrily through Twilight's hoof, stopped and looked at the purple Unicorn until she removed said appendage.

"Rarity blew up her oven?"

The aforemention fashionista huffed.

"I was trying to fix it."

Pinkie giggled.

"Silly Rarity, tht's a different spell."

Rarity shot her a glare.

"Well, I know that _now, _don't I?"

Twilight decided it was time to intervene.

"Anyway, we're all quite hungry. Could you get us some cupcakes please?"

Pinkie started bouncing up and down, much to Richtofen's delight.

"Ooh! Ooh! What kind? We have chocolate, banana, strawberry, rainbow, double chocolate, blueberry, Uup, toffee,"

Twilight put a hoof to her head as Pinkie merrily listed all of the mny different flavours of cupcake Sugarcube Corner had to offer.

Once she had finally finished, Twilight gave her a strained grin.

"Surprise us."

Pinkie grinned.

"Okie Dokie Loki!"

With that, she bounced off in the direction of the kitchen. Presumably to get some cupcakes, but this is Pinkie Pie, so you can't really be sure.

As they all made themselves comfortable at their tables, with some difficulty on he part of the humans, as the chairs were designed for a completley different species, Twilight gave them all a smile.

"So, how are you enjoying Equestria, boys?"

Nikolai was the first to respond.

"Is good, but I forsee big problem."

Twilight looked concerned.

"What's the problem?"

"Ponies don't make wodka."

Takeo rolled his eyes as Dempsey snickered.

"I am enjoying my time here. You ponies are... Fascinating."

Richofen drawled, earning a slight shudder from Twilight. He really was creepy.

Dempsey piped up next.

"This place seems okay. God knows I've seen worse. The chick with rainbow hair seems like fun."

Scootaloo shot him a glare.

"It's Rainbow Dash, and she's the coolest pony in all of Equestria!"

Dempsey waved a hand.

"Whatever, kid. Hey, Tak, you having fun?"

He said this last bit with a certain inflection that made Takeo glare at him.

"Yes, these ponies seem honourable. Miss Fluttershy has been most kind to me."

He smiled at her as he said this.

Nikolai rolled his eyes.

"Hey guys, I think Tak is in love!"

He said, before laughing drunkenly. Takeo sighed and smacked him on the back of the head with the hilt of his katana.

"Shut up, drunken fool. Every time you speak, you lower the honour of the entire street."

He stated calmly.

Nikolai yelped and struggled to pull out his gun.

"I will kill you for that, just as I kill- Oh wait, she survived."

He yelled before Dempsey forced him back into his seat.

"Jeez, Nikolai! Calm down, he didn't hit you that hard."

The Marine yelled.

At the same time, Fluttershy turned to Takeo.

"That wasn't very nice, Tak. He was only making a joke."

Takeo just stared at her.

"He deserved it, and much more."

"He's not that bad..."

Takeo snorted.

"You didn't have to deal wih him before."

Nikolai, who had been calmed slightly, stood back up in rage upon hearing this.

"Hey! I saved your pathetic life thousands of times! I was the one who risked his life going to revive you in middle of hoard!"

Takeo looked flabbergasted.

"You save me? I cannot even count the times I had to save you!"

"Thats because you can't count higher than five!"

Pinkie returned with the cupcakes just as the argument dissolved into a full-on fist fight.

"Yay! Wrestling! Can I join in?"

She squealed before launching herself into the fray.

Five full minutes passed in which Dempsey and Richtofen tried in vain to seperate the three fighting beings before Twilight used her magic to intervene directly.

"What in Equestria was that about?! Pinkie, why did you join in?"

Pinkie, now sporting a bleeding nose and a rather spectacular set of bruises all across her body, merely shrugged.

"It seemed like fun."

Twilight sighed before healing all of Pinkie Pie's wounds.

"Right, I hope you're not expecting me to heal you, after you just probably got us banned from Sugarcube Corener?"

Nikolai looked up hopefully. Twilight noticed.

"No! You can deal with your own wounds. You caused them, anyway."

Fluttershy gave her a worried look.

"Oh, if it's not too much trouble, could you heal Takeo's ribs? They weren't fully healed, and it's gotten quite serious now."

Twilight relented.

"Okay. Come here, Takeo."

Takeo pulled himself over to Twilight, grimacing from the intense pain.

Twilight's horn glowed for a second, before it went out and she collapsed back into her seat.

"Okay, that's all I can do for now. His ribs should be healed now, but I didn't have the energy to heal anything else."

Fluttershy beamed.

"Oh, thank you, Twilight. I can deal with the rest of the injuries."

Nikolai looked at Twilight hopefully again.

"No now, Nikolai. I'm exhausted"

Nikolai looked dissapointed and walked off, grumbling.

"You sound like all of my wives..."

Before anything else could happen, however, Mrs. Cake rushed over from the kitchen.

"What in Equestria just happened? All I could hear was banging noises."

Twilight just pointed at Nikolai, who had the good graces to look sheepish.

Mrs. Cake just looked at him.

"Well? What happened?"

"Um, me and Takeo were fighting."

Mrs. Cake looked surprised.

"Really? I'd expect this from fillies, not two full grown stallions like yourself."

Nikolai looked offended.

"Hey! It wasnt just us, pink pony joined in too. She wasn't even involved, just jumped in and started punching. Hurt like syphilis too. Believe me, I know..."

If Mrs. Cake was surprised before, she was astounded now.

She only let it show for a second, however, before her face rearranged into a stern expression.

"Pinkamena! Is this true?"

Pinkie's head popped up from under the counter.

"Yep! It was fun!"

Mrs. Cake sighed.

"And you don't see what you did wrong?"

Pinkie shook her head as her ears flattened.

"No... What did I do wrong?"

She asked, her mane deflating.

Mrs. Cake noticed this and responded quickly.

"Nothing, dear. It's just, you shouldn't get involved in other people's fights, that's all. Now, why don't you go and check on Gummy?"

Pinkie perked up at this.

"Okie Dokie Loki!"

With that, she bounced into th back room, towards the stairs.

Mrs. Cake sighed.

"We do love her, but she can be a bit of a handful sometimes. Now, what exactly happened here?"

Before Nikolai or Takeo could respond, Richtofen decided to relay his version of events.

"Vell, Nikolai made a joke which Takeo didn't like, so he hit Nikolai on zhe head vith his shtick. Nikolai vanted to hit him back, but Dempshey shtopped him. I hate you, Dempshey. Anyvay, little yellow pony vanted Takeo to say sorry, but Takeo said that Nikolai deserved it, vhich Nikolai didn't like, so he yelled at him about how many times he had saved Takeo's miserable life. Takeo yelled that he'd saved Nikolai's life more, vhich isn't true, and zhn zhey shtarted punching each other. Ooh, it vas vunderbar!"

This was all said in one breath, much to the surprise of... well, everyone.

Twilight had been staring at Richtofen with her mouth open for a few seconds before he noticed.

"Vhat? Zhat's vhat happened."

Twilight's mouth closed quicky with an audible "snap"

"How did you do that? I haven't met anypony besides Pinkie Pie who can do that, and she can only do it by disregarding the laws of physics!"

Dempsey grinned as he put a hand on her shoulder. (Is it a shoulder on ponies? Or do they only have hips?)

"Don't. Just, don't."

He said, parroting what Twilight had said to Richtofen at the party.

Twilight just slumped back in her chair, mumbling something about there being "two of them now".

Mrs. Cake, who hadn't been able to tear herself away to go back to the kitchen, just snorted.

"Somehow, I doubt this nice young gentlecolt is anything close to being like Pinkie Pie"

Dempsey looked up from the cupcake he had been eating.

"I wouln't be so sure. The Doc can be a little... strange."

He took another bite of cupcake.

"Damn, this is good. What flavour is it?"

Pinkie Pie jumped out from behind his chair, causing him to jerk back in surprise.

"What the- How long have you been there?!"

The pink party pony looked behind her and shrugged.

"I don't know. Did you like the cupcake?!"

Dempsey leaned back, slightly unnerved by the pink pony's sudden enthusiasm.

"Uh, yeah. What flavour is it?"

Pinkie Pie beamed, an act that seemed to threaten to break her face in two.

"Yay! I made it especially for you! I don't know exactly what it is, but I found something called Uup to put in it."

Richtofen froze at this, cupcake halfway to his face for another bite.

Mrs. Cake turned to Pinkie.

"You put something you didn't know what was in a cupcake and served it to a customer?"

Pinkie nodded.

"Well, I tested it on myself first."

Richtofen full on bolted out of the door at these words, prompting Nikolai and Dempsey to stare after him. Takeo didn't care.

"Huh. I wonder what has him so worried. Oh wait, I don't care."

Nikolai chuckled, satisfied with his joke.

"I don't know. We'll ask him later. Hey, Pinkie, do you have any more of these cupcakes?"

They all turned to Pinkie, only to see that she was discharging bolts of electricity out of her nostrils, an giggling as she did so.

"Hey guys, look what I can-"

This was all she managed to get out before disappearing in a flash of lightning.

Nikolai nudged Dempsey.

"Tank, didn't that look like-"

Dempsey nodded.

"Yeah..."

They both put their cupcakes on the table and slowly edged away from them, as Takeo flung his at the wall, causing it to explode in a flash of green light.

A/N: And that's chapter six. Lovely. By the way, Uup is the atomic symbol of Ununpentium, which is element 115 on the periodic table. Also, I'm sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes. The reaason for them, if there are any, is because I've had to go from using Libre Office Writer (Which is for Linux) to using Microsoft Word (Which is for Satan), and I can't figure out how to put spellcheck on. That's all, Mrlaughing out. Oh, please review. Okay, _now_ Mrlaughing out.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

A/N: Jesus, I've passed 1000 views. I love you guys.

Also, I have another review! Buttershoes; Thank you so much for your review. I'm glad you noticed. :3 You know, I haven't even read Cupcakes. I've just heard so many references to be able to reference it myself. Also, did anyone catch the Sherlock reference in the last chapter?

In the few days following the cupcake incident, nothing much happened until Twilight got a very important letter from the Princess.

As she read it, Twilight's eyebrows climbed higher up her head.

"EDWARD!"

After she had screamed his name at the top of her lungs, Richtofen popped his head out from inside his room.

"Vhat? I'm very busy, Tvilight."

"I know, Edward, but I've just got a very important letter from the Princess. She says that something else is coming through the same way you did."

Richtofen cocked his head.

"Vhat do you mean, the same vay?"

Twilight shrugged.

"I don't know. You'll have to ask the Princess. She's asked that you and the others be there for when the lab ponies say it's going to happen."

Richtofen beamed.

"Does zhis mean zhat I get to ride in one of those chariots again?"

"Yes, the Princess is sending one tomorrow. We need to tell the others to get ready."

"Vunderbar! Vell, vhat are you vaiting for? Teleport us!"

Twilight rolled her eyes.

"It's not that simple, Edward. I have to get the spell ready."

Richtofen, who had been bouncing down the stairs two at a time during this, merely flopped into a chair in annoyance.

"Ach, fine. Hurry up."

He huffed, folding his arms.

Twilight shook her head. If you'd only seen his blueprints, you'd think the man was a genius, and rightly so. Even Twilight didn't fully understand his schematics. But, were you just to observe him whilst he was in Ponyville, you'd think him little more than an overgrown toddler.

Twilight shook her head to clear her thoughts and readied the spell.

After a couple of seconds, she nodded.

"Okay, the spell is ready. Spike, could you send a letter to Rarity please, and ask her to bring Tank to Sugarcube Corner. Edward, come here so we can go and get the other two."

Richtofen nodded and bounded over to her, fixing his hat as he skidded to a halt.

"Ready. Let's go get Nikolai. Und Takeo, if ve must."

As soon as the last syllable left his lips, they were gone.

With a flash of purple light and an audible "pop", the Nazi and the Unicorn appeared outside Fluttershy's cottage.

Steadying herself a little, Twilight started walking up the path to her door, followed by Richtofen.

As she knocked on the door, Twilight noticed Richtofen twirling a knife around his fingers,

"Edward! Where did you get that?! You could seriously hurt somepony with that!"

Instead of scaring him into putting the knife away, the purple Unicorn's words merely served to make the good doctor moan.

"Ooh, how _vunderbar!_"

His voice had taken an extraordinarily dark tone, one which made Twilight flinch back in horror.

She was saved from having to listen to more of his disturbing words by Nikolai opening the door, which snapped him out of his trance.

"Nikolai! How are you?"

Richtofen asked, acting like everything was normal.

"Uh, good? What are you doing here? Oh, hello Twilight."

Nikolai responded in a suspiciously clear voice.

"Nikolai? Are you shober?"

Richtofen asked, peering into the Russian's eyes.

Nikolai took a step back before heaving a big sigh.

"Da, Edward. I have run out of wodka. It's horrible! I can think clearly, my hands aren't shaking, and I remember... Things. I'm not sure what, yet, but it's something."

Twilight looked confused.

"But, if you can think clearly and remember things, isn't that a good thing?"

Nikolai looked her dead in the eye.

"Not always, Twilight. Not always. Besides, that's not the point. I like being drunk."

Twilight mentally flinched at the look in Nikolai's eyes. It was part sorrow, part... Cold. That was the only word she could think of to describe it. Cold. The look of a man who has been through far more than any living being should be able to without going completely insane.

Suddenly, Twilight understood why Nikolai was constantly drinking. She would be too, if she had that look in her eye.

She was beginning to wonder if any of the humans who had come through weren't damaged in some way. She'd have to talk to the Princess once they were in Canterlot.

She was shaken from her thoughts by the sound of Nikolai clapping his hands together and rubbing them.

"Anyway, what are you doing here? Fluttershy has gone into town with Tak to get groceries. She should be back soon."

Richtofen, who had been pacing around, muttering about "The Element" and memory loss, suddenly lunged forward and grabbed Nikolai by the shirt.

"Oh, it's bad. Zhe Princess says something is coming through zhe same vay ve did!"

He paused, and looked down at his hands.

"By zhe vay, vhat are you vearing?"

Nikolai smiled and gently removed Richtofen's hands.

"Ah, you like? These are the clothes that Rarity made for me."

He gestured down at the outfit he was wearing, which consisted of heavy green trousers, similar to the ones from his uniform, and a cream shirt, covered by his usual jacket.

""Vhen did she make zhose?

Richtofen asked, looking at the clothes with a critical eye.

"After the whole cupcake thing. I went back to hers with Tank because she wanted to try making human clothes."

He shrugged.

"I think she did quite well. There is also a massive fur coat she made on the hook over there. Hehe, you should have seen the look on her face when I asked for leather."

Twilight looked confused, a facial expression that she sported far more often while the humans were around.

"What's leather?"

Richtofen smirked as he bent down to whisper in Twilight's ear.

Now, her expression had changed from confused to horrified.

"That's barbaric!"

Nikolai shrugged again.

"Cows do not talk back home. Sue us. It looks amazing, though. Anyway, you say the Princess wants to see us?"

Before either of them could answer, the door opened and they could hear Fluttershy calling.

"Nikolai! We're home, are you there?"

"Da, Fluttershy! Back here!"

The yellow Pegasus walked through the door and into the living room, noticing her two visitors immediately.

"Oh, hello Edward. And Twilight too, I- Oh! Are you okay?"

She asked, noticing the look still plastered onto Twilight's face.

"W-what? Oh, I'm fine. Hello, Takeo."

She replied absently, still deep in thought. Were all humans as horrific as this?

Fluttershy turned to Nikolai.

"What's wrong with Twilight?"

"I told her about my clothes. She asked what leather was, and Richtofen told her. Did you find any wodka?"

Fluttershy shook her head.

"I'm sorry, Nikolai. Nopony seems to sell it anywhere. You might have better luck somewhere like Canterlot."

She said softly, whilst thinking about what Takeo had told her about leather. It seemed completely horrible, but she supposed it was different on their world.

"Okay. Thank you for trying. Oh, Twilight was saying something about the Princess wanting us at the palace. Is that in Canterlot?"

Fluttershy nodded.

"Yes. I wonder what the Princess wants?"

Nikolai waved a hand.

"I don't know. Something about how we got here."

Richtofen rolled his eyes.

"Pay attention, Nikolai! Something is coming through zhe same vay ve did. Zhat means it's probably zhat dreadful girl."

Nikolai snarled as his hand reached towards the Python holstered at his hip.

"If that girl tries to pull same trick again, I will shoot her head clean off!"

He yelled, his accent becoming stronger with his anger.

"Ja, ja, calm down. Ve can deal vith her. She should have no power here."

Nikolai paused.

"How come?"

Richtofen's eyes widened as he realised he'd said too much.

"Uh, just a theory. Doesn't matter, forget about it."

"What girl?"

Twilight asked.

Richtofen closed his eyes in annoyance. Scheisse! Him and his big mouth...

"Um, I'm not sure I'm allowed to tell you. I'll ask zhe Princess in Canterlot."

Richtofen mentally congratulated himself before the infernal voices started up again.

_Why don't you tell her, Edward? Tell them all, tell them everything. Will they still want to be your friend then?_

Shut up! Just shut up, you're not in charge!

_Aren't we, Edward? Go on then, make us shut up. Who knows, perhaps you'll succeed at something for once._

"ENOUGH!"

It was only when he saw the looks he was getting from the others that he realised he'd said that aloud.

"Um, vhy don't I go get Dempshey? Ja, I know zhe vay. I'll be right back, bye!"

He babbled as he ran out of the door.

As he walked down the road towards Sugarcube Corner, he was accompanied only by the sound of the voices laughing.

Whilst all this was happening, Dempsey was suffering through being Rarity's model.

"Stay still, dear. I need to get this bit right."

Dempsey sighed.

"Don't you have magic?"

He jerked his arm away as it got stabbed with a needle for the thousandth time.

"Yes, what of it?"

Rarity magicked Dempsey's arm back into place, eliciting a growl from him.

"Couldn't you use magic for this?"

Rarity actually stopped for a second and stood back, looking appalled.

"Oh, heavens no!"

Dempsey grunted as he rubbed his arm.

"Why? Would everything explode or something?"

Rarity shook her head.

"No, but it would look terrible. Now come here and for heaven's sake _stay still,_ this bit's important."

Dempsey mentally threw his arms up in the air as he resigned himself to being poked and prodded for another half an hour.

Respite came in the sweet, sweet form of a letter materialising in front of Rarity's face.

Holding it in the air with her magic, Rarity began to read aloud.

"Dear Rarity, would you and Tank kindly join us at Sugarcube Corner in a couple of minutes, as we have some very important news. Your friend, Twilight Sparkle."

Rarity rolled up the letter and tossed it over to a nearby table.

"Honestly, I don't understand why Twilight must be so formal all the time. I suppose you can go and get changed then, Tank."

Dempsey fist-pumped the air.

"Yes! Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. Oorah!"

He cheered as he went to go put his new clothes on and strap on his assorted weaponry.

Rarity shook her head in amusement. It seemed Dempsey really hated being her model.

She sighed. He really was a massive inspiration for her clothes. If she could just get him to _stand still,_ she could make the best clothes of her career...

She was shook from her thoughts by the sound of Sweetie Belle.

"What's Mr. Dempsey yelling about? He used a lot of words I don't know..."

Rarity looked up from what she was doing and focused her gaze on Sweetie Belle, narrowing her eyes slightly.

"Yes, and whilst I didn't hear exactly what he said, it was almost certainly something you shouldn't repeat. Do you understand?"

Sweetie rolled her eyes.

"Okay, fine. I'm gonna go crusading with Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. We're gonna get our Cutie Marks in badassery!"

Rarity waved a hoof in her general direction, focused on putting away some fabric with her magic.

"Yes, yes, dear. Have fu- Wait, what?"

By the time Rarity had registered what her younger sister had said, the filly had already left.

Dempsey chuckled from his position leaning against the doorframe, causing Rarity to whirl around and glare at him.

"You! You must have taught her that horrible word!"

Dempsey looked slightly taken aback.

"What? She must have heard me say it. I didn't teach it to her!"

Rarity sighed, rubbing her forehead with her hoof.

"Could you at least try to refrain from using such vulgar terms in front of the fillies? Please?"

Dempsey grinned. (Wow, I've actually lost count of how many times I've typed that. Dempsey's such a troll.)

"No promises, Darlin'. You can't contain my awesomeness."

Rarity sighed again. She could definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Fine. Are you ready to leave?"

Dempsey held up a finger before patting the Skullcrusher on his back, the Cobra on his hip, and finally pulling out his Bowie Knife and testing it on his finger before nodding.

Rarity gulped, eyes still wide from the sight of Dempsey's massive knife. (Bah-dum-tss.)

"O-okay then. We shall be on our way, then."

Dempsey attempted to sling his arm around her shoulder, only to find that she was too short. He frowned.

"Hey, I don't suppose I could ride you?"

The glare she shot him was enough to make the hardened former Marine back up hastily, holding up his hands in a placating gesture.

"Okay, okay! Jeez, chill."

Rarity merely rolled her eyes and started walking, without waiting for Dempsey to catch up.

* * *

As soon as Dempsey and Rarity got to Sugarcube Corner, they were greeted by a hyperactive (Obviously) Pinkie Pie.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshit'ssogoodyou'rehereTwilighthasne ws-"

Dempsey shared a look with Rarity.

"Can I slap her?"

Pinkie froze.

Rarity thought for a second before shaking her head.

"No, I don't think the Cakes would like that very much."

Dempsey shrugged.

"The Cakes better stop her doing that, then."

Rarity pretended to ponder that for a second.

"That seems fair. Pinkie, darling, is everyone here?"

Pinkie nodded slowly.

"Everyone but Eddie."

She said with exaggerated slowness, causing Dempsey to glare at her.

"Why don't we go and meet up with the others, then?"

Rarity asked, hoping to defuse any potential situation between the two of them, being aware of Dempsey's short temper.

Pinkie bounced up and down.

"Okie Dokie Loki! They're over here!"

She yipped. (What? That's how she talks...)

As they walked toward the table, Rarity decided to ask the question that had been bugging her.

"Why exactly are we waiting for Edward?"

Pinkie paused mid-air, looking behind her shoulder and shrugging.

"I don't know. You'd have to ask Twilight."

Dempsey snorted.

"They probably caught him talking to himself, so he ran away."

He stated, matter-of-factly.

Rarity gave him an odd look.

"Is that normal among Humans?"

Dempsey shook his head.

"Nope. The Doc's just crazy."

"Okay..."

Just then, they had reached the table.

Dempsey stopped Rarity just before she sat down and whispered in her ear.

"Bet you ten bits that's what happened."

Dempsey and the other three had been given a few hundred bits with the promise of more every month.

Rarity smiled sweetly.

"You're on, soldier boy."

With that, they both sat down.

Rarity decided to take the lead.

"So, Pinkie tells us we're waiting on Edward. How come?"

Twilight shot her a troubled look.

"I don't know. He was acting defensive when I asked him about a girl he mentioned, and then he just yelled out "Enough" to the air. After that, he ran off saying he was coming here."

Dempsey smirked and held out his hand, to which Rarity responded with a glare.

"I don't keep money about my person when I'm not going into the market, thank you."

She said primly, swishing her mane as she turned her head away from him.

"Whatever. I'm not gonna forget, though."

Dempsey said, smirk still firmly in place.

Rainbow Dash, who had bumped into Twilight, literally, whilst she was walking to Sugarcube Corner, chose now to speak up.

"What the hay was that about?"

Rarity sniffed.

"Tank proposed a frankly quite uncouth wager, and subsequently won. He's now demanding his payment."

Rainbow grinned.

"Oh? What'd you promise him, Rare?"

"Ten bits. Though Celestia knows he doesn't need it. All of them get four hundred bits a month."

Rarity answered.

All five pony's jaws dropped.

"F-four hundred? A month?!"

Twilight demanded.

Nikolai looked confused.

"Er, is that a lot?"

"YES!"

The six mares shrieked.

Nikolai threw his hands up in the air.

"Alright! No need to shout, though."

It was then that Dempsey noticed something.

"Hey, Nikolai, you sober?"

He asked, slightly unbelieving.

Nikolai nodded wearily.

"Da, Tank. I ran out of wodka. Please, do not remind me. Fluttershy says we may be able to get some in the big pony city though, so I hold out hope."

He answered grumpily.

Dempsey's eyes widened.

"Woah. Never thought I'd see the day when Nikolai Belinski wasn't drunk!"

Nikolai shot him a glare, but before he could respond, Richtofen walked through the door.

All eyes turned towards the Nazi.

"Uhh, hallo?"

He greeted nervously.

Twilight cleared her throat.

"Yes, hello Edward. Now, since everypony is here, we can get started."

Dempsey faked a yawn and leaned his chair backwards so it was balancing on two legs.

Nikolai gave an evil smirk before kicking the two chair legs on the floor, causing Dempsey to fall backwards with many muffled curse words, and Pinkie to burst out laughing.

Twilight rolled her eyes.

"Yes, anyway. I have received a letter from Princess Celestia."

She started, as Dempsey pulled himself back to his feet.

"She says that something is coming through the same way that Edward and his friends did, and that we should be ready to leave for Canterlot at a moment's notice."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

"We have to go all the way to Canterlot?"

She whined, just as Spike belched out a letter.

Twilight, and all of the others, stared at it in surprise.

Twilight picked it up with her magic and began to read aloud.

"Dearest Rainbow Dash. I heard that."

The aforementioned rainbow-maned pegasus's jaw dropped as Dempsey fell of his seat laughing.

Even Twilight was having trouble suppressing her giggles, shaking the letter slightly, which caused two tickets to fall out of the scroll.

Takeo, who was the only one still able to function through his amusement, picked them up.

He read them silently for a second before speaking up.

"What are Wonderbolts?"

Rainbow Dash, who until this point had been sitting silently whilst blushing, looked up.

"Only the most awesome flying group EVER! Why, are those tickets to see them?"

Without waiting for a reply, Rainbow launched herself over to Takeo and snatched the tickets, causing Takeo to step back slightly in surprise.

Again, Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped.

"These are backstage passes to meet the Wonderbolts! So awesome!"

She yelled as she spiralled up into the air, doing victory laps around the bakery. This didn't please Mrs. Cake, but she kept quiet.

Twilight smiled slightly before calling up to her excited friend.

"Hey Dash! There are two tickets. Who are you going to take?"

Rainbow touched down to answer Twilight's question.

"Hmm. I don't know, how about Dempsey?"

She pondered, giving off the air of not really caring.

Dempsey gave her a troll-like grin, stooping down to hug her.

"Aw, I'm touched, Dashie. I really am."

He said, ruffling her mane as she fought to get him off her.

"Get off, man, you're ruining my cool!"

She grunted, finally managing to push a still-grinning Dempsey off her.

"What the hay, man? Maybe I won't take you, if you're gonna ruin my cool like that!"

She huffed, straightening her mane.

"Aw, c'mon Dashie. You know you liked it."

Rainbow merely huffed, Rarity style, and turned her attention to Twilight.

"So, when do we leave?"

* * *

In Canterlot Castle, Princess Celestia was pacing worriedly.

She paused slightly when she heard someone enter the throne room, looking up to see who it was.

"Luna, I'm worried."

The smaller Alicorn rolled her eyes.

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

She responded, using the new grammar and way of speaking that Twilight had taught her.

Celestia gave her a long-suffering look.

"This is serious, Luna. Something is coming through the dimensions again, and as far as I can tell it's from the same world as our other guests."

Luna looked confused.

"I still don't see why you're so worried, Tia. From what I've heard, our guests are settling in just fine."

Celestia gave her a haunted look, one of such intensity that it made Luna step backwards.

"You didn't look into the one called Richtofen's mind, Luna. You didn't see what he'd done."

Luna stepped forward, the light coming through the stained glass windows dancing on her face.

"Show me."

The Princess of the Sun looked at her in horror.

"Luna-"

"Tia. I have to see."

Celestia nodded and rested her head against Luna's, her horn lighting up briefly as she gave her younger sister the memories that were keeping her awake at night for the first time in an uncountable number of years.

Luna's eyes widened in shock as she stepped backwards, hoof to her mouth.

"By the stars..."

She whispered, a single tear falling down her face.

"So much death..."

Celestia nodded sadly.

"I know. Do you understand, now, why I am so worried?"

Luna nodded slowly.

"Yes. Yes, I do. We must prepare ourselves somehow."

Celestia gave her an unreadable look.

"How? How do we even begin to defend ourselves against things like this, let alone do it without worrying the public?"

Luna closed her eyes.

"I- I don't know, Tia. We should at least move to protect the Elements."

Celestia nodded slowly, the missed nights and constant worrying catching up with her.

"Yes. I have arranged for them to stay here, at the castle, so we can protect them if whatever comes through isn't... Friendly."

Luna nodded once.

"And of the Humans?"

She asked, distaste evident in her voice.

Celestia looked up sharply.

"Luna, you cannot let them know you've seen his memories. The look on his face when he realised I'd looked into his mind.. I had to lie, say I'd only seen the very top layer, and nothing concrete. You can't let any of them find out!"

Luna stepped back again, shocked. She'd never seen her sister so scared, not when the Crystal Empire had been taken by King Sombra, not even when Luna had turned into Nightmare Moon.

"I- I promise, Tia."

Celestia relaxed somewhat.

"Good. As for your question, they are coming here too. I couldn't leave them in Ponyville unsupervised, and I couldn't think of anything else to do."

Luna paled.

"You're bringing that, that _monster _here?!"

She demanded, fear evident on her face.

Celestia sighed as she rested her head against the stained glass window.

"I had to, Luna. I don't think he'll do anything, not while his friends still believe he had nothing to do with what they went through."

Luna nodded again, still scared.

"Okay, sister. I believe you. Go and get some rest."

Celestia nodded.

"Very well. The Elements aren't arriving until tomorrow, and I trust that you can greet them if I am unable to leave my bed?"

Luna looked doubtful.

"Is that likely?"

Celestia shrugged.

"I don't know. I've missed a lot of sleep. Of course, if I'm not there to greet them, they will know something is wrong. They aren't stupid, thank the sun. But still, you may have to greet them anyway."

Luna nodded once more.

"Very well, Tia. I hope for the sake of Equestria that all this worrying is for naught."

She replied as she walked out of the door.

Once she was gone, Celestia sat down heavily onto her throne.

"I hope so too, Luna. I hope I don't have to do it."

* * *

A/N: :O What's Celestia planning? Will Dempsey embarrass Rainbow Dash in front of the Wonderbolts? Who am I talking to? It's so exciting!

*Ahem*

Anyway, please leave a review telling me what you thought, what you think is going to happen, or in the case of OnyElite, point out huge gaps in the storyline. Sorry about that, I did write out a scene where that would have made sense, but for whatever reason, it didn't make it into the final version. Weird.

So, yeah. Please review, love you all, Mrlaughing out.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

A/n: Sorry this took so long, guys, but I lost 3500 words for no apparent reason. It just disappeared.

Weird, huh? Still, here we go.

Richtofen wasn't happy. Apparently, the Princess could only justify the use of flying chariots for anyone other than her or her sister very occasionally. That meant they had to ride the train to Canterlot.

The train.

"Vhy do ve have to ride zhis infernal contraption? Vhy doesn't Twilight teleport us zhere?"

He whined aloud.

Twilight groaned and attempted to explain for the tenth time.

"Because, Edward, it's too far for one. Also, I can't teleport more than three people at a time without running the risk of seriously hurting myself."

Richtofen threw his hands up in the air in disgust.

"Fine! I hate zhe train..."

He grumbled.

Dempsey rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, we couldn't tell."

He retorted as he stroked Dashie's mane, much to her disgust.

"Tank! Would you quit it!?"

She yelled, causing Dempsey to put his hands up in mock surrender.

"Okay, fine! I'll go stroke Rarity's hair, then."

Rarity looked up from her (trashy) romance novel.

"Must you, darling? It is rather annoying."

Dempsey gave her his best puppy dog eyes.

"But it's so soft!"

Rarity rolled her eyes.

"Fine. I suppose you'll want to sit down, too?"

She asked as she scooted over.

Dempsey gave her his most charming smile.

"Thanks, Marshmallow."

Every pony in the train, including the ticket taker who had had the pleasure of riding with Rarity before, froze.

Rarity turned to glare at Dempsey, her eyes full of ice.

"What did you call me?"

She asked, malice evident in her voice.

"Uh, Marshmallow?"

Dempsey replied, not sure of what was going on.

"Why did you call me that?"

Again, Dempsey wasn't certain of how to respond.

"Uh, cause you're white and fluffy?"

He asked.

The only pony that wasn't staring at him with a mixture of shock and sympathy was Rainbow Dash, who had just burst out laughing.

Rarity ignored her, however, and focused all of her attention on Dempsey.

She opened her mouth to reply, but Dempsey beat her to it.

"Is it really a problem?"

Rarity shut her mouth and sighed through her nose.

Dempsey grinned.

"Didn't think so."

With that, he sat down next to Rarity and started to stroke her mane.

Twilight was the first to break the silence.

"...Right. Anyway, we'll be there in about five minutes. I imagine Princess Celestia will be there to greet us."

Before she could say any more, Dempsey interrupted again.

"Aw, does that mean we're special?"

Twilight glared at him before continuing.

"As I was saying, Princess Celestia will probably be there to greet us, and I think that since we were called at such short notice, whatever is going to happen will probably happen today."

Nikolai looked up.

"Why are you telling us this? So far, it's only been common sense and the obvious. Do you have a point?"

he asked, clearly irritated at being dragged out here and subjected to idiocy.

Twilight looked slightly insulted before replying in a meek voice.

"I guess not."

Dempsey cackled from his position next to Rarity.

"Damn, Nikolai! That was cold!"

Rarity gave him a sideways look.

"You approve of such rudeness?"

Dempsey nodded.

"Yeah. It was funny."

Rarity huffed and turned away.

Nikolai grinned slightly.

"Reminds me of my third wife."

Rarity and Dempsey both stood up quickly and shot Nikolai a glare.

"I assure you, this is nothing like any of your marriages, Mr. Belinski!"

Dempsey nodded furiously.

"Yeah, what she said!"

Nikolai burst out laughing at the looks on their faces, and continued laughing as they pulled into the station.

It was as they were walking towards the castle that Dempsey finally got fed up with Nikolai's laughing.

"Will you shut the fuck up?!"

He yelled as he punched him in the face, causing him to stumble into Princess Luna.

Luna, for her part, merely looked slightly confused.

"Is this a bad time?"

She asked drily, as Nikolai dabbed at his bleeding nose with his sleeve.

Twilight rushed up to Luna and hugged her, screaming;

"Luna!"

The aforementioned Princess of the Night chuckled and returned the hug.

"It is good to see you again, Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight beamed up at Luna, before suddenly becoming worried.

"Oh, but where's Princess Celestia?"

Luna chuckled again.

"Worry not, Twilight. My dear sister is just tired. It's exhausting, running a country."

Twilight's ears flattened.

"Oh. I was hoping to talk with her about something."

She whispered.

Luna put a hoof on her shoulder.

"Again I say worry not, little one. You will have plenty of time to speak with her tonight, when the Lab Ponies say this event is happening."

Richtofen stepped up and spoke.

"Your majesty, vould you know vhere I could get a generator?"

Luna flinched when Richtofen addressed her, but quickly got herself under control.

"I'm afraid I don't know what that is, Doctor. Perhaps you would be better off asking the Lab Ponies, after this whole affair?"

She offered, all the while keeping her face completely neutral.

Richtofen nodded.

Luna shuddered imperceptibly.

"Anyway, why don't you all go look around? I've heard that Mr. Belinski is after a certain kind of alcohol?"

Nikolai nodded.

"Well, if you can't find it here, you won't be able to find it in Equestria."

Nikolai shrugged.

"Eh. I heard Applejack makes cider, and that is almost as good."

Luna smiled at them.

"Very well. If that is all, I have some preparations to go through. I shall get some servants to show you to your rooms."

With that, she left them with a white guard, almost completely identical to every other day guard in the employ of the Princess.

He cleared his throat.

"If you'd kindly follow me, guests."

He said in a very upper-class accent.

Dempsey nudged Rarity.

"Hey look, we found you a friend! He even speaks the same way you do."

Rarity gave him a glare that she only half meant.

"Really, Tank? Must you be so..."

Dempsey grinned.

"So what, Marshmallow?"

Rarity merely huffed for the tenth time that morning and went to go walk next to the guard, who remained bemused throughout the entire thing.

As they reached their rooms, each of them having their own all the way down a big hallway, they bumped into the immortal God of Chaos.

Hell yeah.

Discord, for his part, hadn't noticed them. Or, at least, he hadn't _seemed_ to have noticed them.

Dempsey snapped his fingers suddenly, making Discord turn around.

"I remember you! Discord, right?"

Discord grinned. Humans!

"Yes, I am Discord. God of Chaos and disharmony, at your service."

He replied with a smile in his voice, giving them an extravagant bow.

Rainbow rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, Dipcord. Why don't you get out of our way?"

Fluttershy gave her a reproachful look.

"Rainbow, that wasn't very nice."

Rainbow returned her look with a disbelieving one.

"What? It's Discord! Don't you remember- Oh, yeah. You're his friend now, aren't you?"

She said with disgust.

Fluttershy smiled at the Draconequus.

"Yes. Discord is reformed now, remember?"

Discord snapped his fingers, making his "reformed" blue suit appear.

"Yes, I am completely reformed now. Tea?"

He asked, offering Rainbow Dash a teacup that exploded when she took it.

Discord laughed.

"Naughty teacup! What have I said about exploding on guests?"

He admonished, without a trace of seriousness in his voice.

Rainbow shook her head to get rid of the tea, then lunged at Discord, stopping when Dempsey pulled on her tail.

"Dude, he just made a teacup appear out of thin air and explode on you. Do you really think attacking him is a good idea?"

He asked, looking her dead in the eye.

Rainbow harrumphed and resorted to plan B.

"I'm telling the Princess on you!"

Discord snorted.

"I'm quaking in my baby seal leather boots!"

He cackled, holding up a foot that was indeed clad in baby seal-leather.

It was at that point that Dempsey burst out laughing, causing the ponies to stare at him in disgust.

Discord slithered through the air and put his arm around Dempsey's shoulder.

"You see, ponies? The Human gets it."

He said, before snapping his fingers and disappearing.

Richtofen spoke up.

"Vell, zhat vasn't shtrange at all. Shall ve check out our rooms?"

He suggested, to which the rest of them agreed.

All of the ponies had standard rooms, whereas each of the Humans had something special.

For Dempsey, this was a crossbow, beautifully made, with a note telling him he had unlimited access to the castle's firing range.

For Nikolai, it was a walk-in cooler filled with vodka, and instructions on how to make more.

For Richtofen, it was a note telling him he could go to the Lab whenever he wanted, within reason.

And lastly, for Takeo it was a series of books on the history of Equestria, and a note telling him that if he wanted, he could have his Katana enchanted.

As the Humans were examining their gifts, Princess Celestia was having nightmares. These nightmares were unusual, being completely out of Luna's reach, separate from her rule of the dreamworld. These nightmares were the product of Celestia looking into the mind of a madman, and these nightmares allowed her a glimpse into exactly what happened before the Humans arrived in her domain.

She watched, formless and helpless as the good Doctor performed terrible experiments on the men he now claimed were his friends, do nothing but observe as he locked Dr. Maxis and his innocent daughter in the experimental teleporter and screamed soundless obscenities as thousands, millions of innocents were mindlessly slaughtered because of one little girl looking for revenge.

As she woke up in a cold sweat, her scream could be heard throughout the castle.

A few guards burst into her room, fearing she was being attacked, but she waved them off with a whispered "Luna. Get Luna"

A few seconds later, Celestia had calmed herself a little, and Luna burst into the room in much the same manner as the guards.

"Sister, what is wrong? I heard your scream, and the guards-"

Celestia raised a hoof.

"I was just subjected to the most horrible nightmare. I trust you weren't involved?"

Luna's expression was one of complete shock.

"No, I made sure there were no nightmares tonight. How did this happen?"

She asked, with a slight undercurrent of fear in her voice.

Celestia sighed wearily.

"I believe it has something to do with our visitors, and whatever it is that's coming through."

Luna paled noticeably at the mention of the Humans.

"Celestia, the more I hear of these Humans, the more dangerous they become. What shall we do?"

Celestia shook her head.

"I don't know, Luna. I just, I don't know."

Now, Luna was scared. Her big sister _always _knew what to do. Always. The fact that she so willingly admitted she didn't have a clue what to do terrified the younger Princess.

"You- you don't have a plan?"

Celestia looked up.

"I have a last resort. I hope I need never use it."

"W-what is it?"

Again, Celestia shook her head.

"I can't tell you."

Luna was crying now, small tears falling down her face.

"Tia, you know you can tell me. What could be so horrible that you couldn't?"

Celestia looked away.

"Penny Dreadful."

She whispered.

Luna paled.

"Celestia, you can't! Don't you remember what happened last time?"

"As I said, little sister. He is a last resort, one I hope I never have to use. Have the Elements arrived?"

Luna nodded shakily.

"Yes, them and the wretched Humans. I still don't think it's wise to have them in the castle, Tia."

Celestia nodded.

"I know, Luna. But remember this: Not all of the Humans are as evil and villainous as Dr. Richtofen. We cannot write off an entire species by the actions of one member."

Luna snorted.

"From what I saw, Dr. Richtofen wrote off the species for us."

Celestia shot her a look.

"Luna, you shouldn't make jokes about the possible extinction of a species."

Luna shrugged apologetically.

Celestia stood up fully.

"Anyway, I should go and greet the Elements and the Humans. Twilight Sparkle is probably worrying."

Luna nodded.

"Yes. She mentioned she wanted to talk to you about something."

Celestia nodded as she turned to walk out of the door.

She paused just before she left.

"Get some sleep, sister. I know how much you hate being awake during the day."

Luna nodded as her sister walked out of the room, and towards the evil housed within the castle walls.

Dempsey was busy messing around with his new crossbow when Celestia walked in.

"Ah, I see you've found your gift."

The former Marine whirled around and aimed his crossbow at the intruder out of pure instinct, holding it there for a second before chuckling and lowering it.

"Yeah. It's weird, last time I got one of these, the bolts exploded."

Celestia nodded slightly, looking slightly disgusted and unsure.

"Yes, I'll willingly admit Humans are better at making weapons than ponies."

Dempsey snorted.

"Please. This is nothing, you should see some of the shit Richtofen designed. Real weird stuff."

In her mind's eye, Celestia watched as a zombie was literally blown apart by a glowing green ball of light.

"I.. can only imagine. Anyway, I came to tell you that you're welcome to go and explore Canterlot, if you wish. You're not needed here for another five hours."

Dempsey cocked his head.

"In that case, why are we here so early?"

Celestia shrugged.

"It was more of a just in case thing, if I'm honest."

Dempsey nodded.

"Okay. I'm gonna need some cash, then."

Celestia smiled.

"No need. If you tell the owner of the shop that you're with the Princess, you shouldn't be charged."

Dempsey nodded again.

"Okay, tell shopkeeper I'm with you, get free stuff. Got it."

Celestia gave him a worried look.

"Can I trust you not to abuse this privilege?"

She asked, doubt showing in her voice.

Dempsey shot her his most innocent, wounded look. A look that screamed "Who, me?"

Celestia sighed.

"Very well. I'll go tell your friends the same thing."

Dempsey put down his crossbow and put on his new jacket.

"Okay, I'll come too."

Celestia shrugged as she walked out into the corridor, and towards Nikolai's room.

Walking in, she was greeted to the sight of Nikolai chugging vodka at a dangerous rate with his back to her.

She smiled slightly.

"Ah, I see you've also found your gift, Mr. Belinski."

Nikolai whirled around in surprise, attempting to pull his gun out of its holster before falling over backwards.

Dempsey started laughing.

"Jeez, Nikolai! How in the name of hell are you still alive?"

Nikolai stood up and muttered something unintelligible under his breath, most likely in Russian as well.

"Whatever. Look, the Princess wants us out, and we're going shopping."

Nikolai looked up from his vodka bottle.

"Oh, but I left all my money at Fluttershy's house.."

Dempsey shook his head.

"Nah, we get free stuff 'cause we're with the Princess."

Nikolai brightened up.

"All right, let's go tell the others. Except Takeo. I don't like him."

Dempsey shrugged as he walked out of the room and to the door directly opposite, which happened to be Rainbow Dash's room, kicking it down and yelling inside;

"Dash! Get up, we're going shopping!"

The pegasus's voice could be heard clearly from the next room.

"What the hay, Dempsey?"

"What?"

"You kicked my door down!"

"So?"

"Ugh. Fine. Do Rarity next!"

You could practically hear Dempsey's grin.

"I live to serve, Dashie!"

Footsteps, and then another crash.

Celestia slowly edged towards Takeo's room at the edge of the hall to avoid being drawn into any conflict that might arise.

"Marshmallow! We're going shopping!"

"Tank, I'm not properly dressed!"

"...You're a horse?"

Celestia sighed in relief as she successfully hid in Takeo's room.

Noticing the presence of royalty in his room, Takeo stood up and bowed.

"It is an honour, Princess."

Another crash, this one slightly closer to Takeo's room.

"Richtofen! Put your clothes back on, we're going shopping!"

"I hate you, Dempshey!"

"Love you too, Eddie. Hurry up!"

Celestia turned to Takeo.

"Please, no need for such formalities. Just calling me Princess will do."

Takeo nodded as Dempsey kicked in another helpless door.

"Oi, Pinkie! Shopping time!"

"Okie Dokie Loki!"

Celestia put a hoof to her forehead.

"Tell me, Mr. Masaki, was it a bad idea to bring your friends here?"

Takeo was silent for a moment before answering.

"In the case of Nikolai and Richtofen, yes. But, Dempsey could be a valuable asset to the crown, if you could only gain his trust. He is the most loyal and honourable of the entire group."

Takeo cocked his head slightly.

"Well, besides me."

Celestia chuckled slightly at that, but was interrupted by Dempsey kicking the door down.

"Yo, Tak! Princess says- Oh. Hey, Princess."

Celestia inclined her head in amusement.

"Hello again, Dempsey."

Dempsey scratched at the back of his head uncomfortably.

"Uh, I was just coming to tell Tak-"

"It's okay, Dempsey. Takeo, I believe Mr. Dempsey would like you to accompany him into Canterlot."

Dempsey nodded.

"Well, not just me. Everyone's going."

Celestia chuckled lightly.

"Whether they want to or not?"

"Uhh..."

Celestia grinned again.

"No matter. Takeo, I don't think Dempsey is going to take no for an answer."

Dempsey brightened up slightly.

"Damn right I'm not! Oorah!"

Takeo sighed and sheathed his Katana before following Dempsey.

Celestia watched them leave as she pondered what the Japanese warrior had said.

A valuable asset? Does that mean she could- No. Dempsey was Richtofen's friend. There's no way he would betray him like that, would he?

Celestia sighed.

From what she'd heard of this species, she honestly wouldn't be surprised if he would.

If he would help, then she might not have to go to Penny Dreadful.

She shuddered as she remembered the last time she'd spoken with him.

Such evil, evil that she wasn't sure she could take again, evil that was virtually unknown to this world.

Silence echoed around her as she asked herself what she should do.

A/N: Okay, so that chapter was originally a lot longer, but as I said above the entire thing was lost from my computer. I still don't know why... Anyway. First person to correctly tell me where I got the name "Penny Dreadful" from wins a cameo spot from any character they please. It could be an OC or a character from any fandom, and I'll do my best. Please, review and tell me what you thought.

Mrlaughing out.


	9. Update

Okay, I know you guys have been waiting patiently, so I'm sorry I have to give you some relatively bad news. I am going on holiday for a week. and I won't be able to update or write any more of this story whilst I'm there, so it's going to be while before the next update. Again, sorry about that, but it is rather unavoidable. So, Mrlaughing out for a while. See you.


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